Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
