Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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