never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
