Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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