Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
