I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
