Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This house was built for laser tag.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
