is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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