imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
