Sry I called you an 8
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
