I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
