so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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