at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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