i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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