Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
