Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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