So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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