Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
