Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
