Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize