capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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