OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
