i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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