Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize