happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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