So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
