I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
