Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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