one two three fourrrrnication!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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