Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
