dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize