I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
