dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
