Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
