Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she looked like the before picture.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize