okay pat passed out under dana's car
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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