I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
