is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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