Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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