you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
