youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
