I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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