I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
