I wish my penis had an off switch
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
