I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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