when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
