My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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