But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize