I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
