Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
