Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Alive.
So much puke
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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