Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
