another moral hangover. fuck.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize