great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
