I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
