for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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