I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize