I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
