You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
