just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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