No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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