At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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