I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
