just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
