my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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