you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
