Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
