so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
