i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
