If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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