anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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