I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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