I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
