Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
