Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
