Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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