there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Too much gin, very little bucket
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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