I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We are all done wearing pants today
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
