the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize