: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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