So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
