I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
