No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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