There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Operation Purity has been aborted
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
