If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
