whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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