my vag is so smooth its legendary
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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