If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
