I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
