There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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