I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
No more Irish car bombs ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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